My (Ir)Rational Fear

It’s about 11 o clock on a Saturday night. It’s dark (…obviously), cold – partly because I’m not wearing enough (it’s a teenage girl thing), and I’m tired. I’ve just got out of the station, leaving my friends behind (not in a cruel way – this wasn’t their stop, we were parting ways.) So essentially – Alone. Cold. Tired. Dark. Are we caught up? Good, then let’s proceed…
Basically, I’m heading home from a party, and from about ten minutes before my departure, I start getting nervous. I’m walking home on my own; will I be okay? What if I get mugged? Hurt? Then other slightly darker scenarios flood my mind.

Whilst experiencing these paranoid thoughts, it occurred to me; I’ve always been taught to travel in packs, don’t walk home alone at night – that’s how girls get killed. If you’re alone (and loaded with oestrogen) you are a target, and there’s not much you can do about it. Sure, you can always make sure you have that trusty little bottle of pepper spray in your bag, or you know those few but essential defence moves which supposedly should help you if the situation should ever arise. But in most cases the situation doesn’t arise, and the only reason you are motivated to walk faster home is because paranoia convinces you that the shadows are following you.

And then another thing occurred to me, how unbelievably stupid and ridiculous that is. Why are girls taught to be wary of boys instead of boys being taught to not attack girls? As the view that boys appear to be under the impression that they are entitled to a girls body is shocking.

At this point I feel it is necessary to say that I am aware that not all men attack women. I am sure that you have seen this train of thought elsewhere; on Twitter or Tumblr or Facebook or even a newspaper, and so if you are feeling stung by this generalisation, I am going to emphasise that even if you are respectful of women and the right they have to their own body (which really shouldn’t be applauded but it is due to the fact that ‘good behaviour’ is so rare in this day and age – which is actually quite depressing if you think about it.) The fact is that there are still enough men behaving in this manner (behaving ‘badly’ that is), so much so, that I don’t know a single girl/women that has not been harassed/followed/cat-called (which is not ever a form of flattery!!!). Which in itself shows that whilst you may not do this, too many men still do. *

Although every area has its flaws, mine is seen to be safer than others. So why am I still scared to go home on my own? Paranoia – probably. Lack of ability to be able to defend myself -more likely. But the fact is, the only reason I am scared is because I’ve been told to be. I’ve been told that it’s not safe for me, and the only reason it isn’t safe for me is because I am a girl. Boys are told to walk their girlfriends or just their female friends home at night in order to protect them, because they aren’t capable of defending themselves. I’m not denying that if I were confronted by a predator I would be able to defend myself and ‘kick their ass’ (despite what I would like to think), females are genetically the weaker sex – yes, some women are stronger than some men, but on average men are physically stronger than women. So I’m not saying that men shouldn’t take their girlfriends home at night, as I briefly mentioned before, that is not the problem, the problem is that there is a need for women to be protected, because somewhere along lines of history it became a norm to expect harassment. This means that people aren’t trying to stop it. Parents dismiss their children’s lude behaviour with a casual ‘boys will be boys’, which means that although their behaviour is deemed wrong, it is accepted!

This brings me to my title of the blog – My (Ir)Rational Fear. Because although fearing predators and at sometimes fearing men is seen as rational, it is due to misogyny and sexism. Campaigns such as ‘Reclaim The Night’ – spoken in more detail on the London Feminist Networks’ website – are fighting against this current way of life, because, in truth, the only reason this fear isn’t seen as irrational is because society and the patriarchy has turned it into a norm which  women are expected to ‘deal with’.

*If you’re interested in this, you can explore it further through the #yesallwomen tag or the #everydaysexism tag on twitter  (tumblr also collects the most thought stimulating ones as well)

 London Feminist Network link here

Last updated: April 16, 2020