The Shiny Scales

This is long overdue… I hope you guys don’t hate me

Now, I know I shouldn’t be surprised, most households have them but it has come to my attention that the majority of homes have invested in at least one fancy, shiny kitchen appliance. However, I never thought my family would be part of this majority, we aren’t even modern enough to own a microwave! I wasn’t expecting anything fancy coming from thiskitchen. But one day, I got home from school and went into the kitchen for a ‘healthy snack’ – by that I mean, tea and chocolate biscuits – there I saw it. A wafer-thin piece of equipment, it was black, polished and shiny. It had evidently never been used. I skittered away in shock and then slowly crept back, as a cat would with a piece of string that their owner was teasing it with. I peered at it and saw my face in the reflection, it lit up and once more I jumped away, my imagination once more getting carried away as I expected it scan me with an electric blue light (the kind in the movies) and say.

“Good afternoon, MissLeightonLondon. I see today you are low carbohydrates, may I suggest a bowl full of spaghetti with that tea you’re making.” In which I would respond in my lady like manner – yes, lady-like, I was surprised as well.

“Good idea, Frederick!”  Because all kitchen appliances should either be called ‘Frederick’ or ‘Claudia’. ”But I shall amend this suggestion and make it for supper instead.”*

Hmmm – If I were you I’d be worried too. Swiftly moving on, not only were the Shiny Scales fancy, it was impossible too use. Apparently fancy kitchen appliances aren’t fancy unless they are buttonless… I stared at it for hours, willing it to work telepathically (to my disappointment, it wasn’t that fancy). After a while, I hopelessly whacked it believing the whole thing to be a lost cause and of course, just to spite me, it lit up once more. I jabbed at the lights hopefully, not entirely sure what I was expecting to happen. The blue numbers on the screen danced uselessly occasionally spelling out the odd word, like ERROR or GRAMS or PLEASE STOP POKING ME… OW. Finally, I gave up trying to figure out how to work the thin sheet of metal – I thought it a lost cause because even as I stood back defeated, the numbers still whirred up and down by themselves. Convinced I had broken the machine, I left the small unimpressive kitchen which was now adorned by a extravagant weighing machine which was now happily beeping away – which I could only assume were profanities directed at myself – occasionally converting the weight of air into Kilograms. I sighed pitying the poor machine, it did not deserve this kind of fate and with a final glance at the scales I left, vowing to only ever purchase a kitchen appliance that pre-dates the 1950s – for the safety of it and my own sanity.

*I should probably point out that this vision is based somewhere in the future, and I have therefore become a successful Journalist and talk politely to inanimate objects and know how to make edible spaghetti… obviously.

Just want to emphasise that I AM very sorry for the amount of time it took for me too write this and for those of you who care my next one should be published soon (well, sooner than it took to publish this one)

Also, I have just made a Facebook page for MissLeightonLondon for those of you who don’t have a WordPress account and therefore can’t follow me feel free to like the page so you can be notified when I write a new blog – you can also send me suggestions there or on the comments section below for things you’d like me to write about – hope to be hearing from you soon!

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Last updated: April 16, 2020